It’s funny to call this post learning about anger because it feels like it should be called learning about anger management.  But it is not possible to manage what tends to rule us some, if not many, days.  The subjects of this post is both my younger son and myself.  My wingless wonder has the tendency to really come unglued over the most trivial things. Case in point, he could not remember how to make the number 9 last week so that it did not look like a very weird E.  Rather than take a breather and let it go til another time, he decided to rage, throw shoes and climb up on the book case after clearing his classmates desks for them. Oh yes, he was at school.  Time and time again, I tell him he simply cannot act this way. But actually, he can, and he does. And it makes me super angry that he does this.  I’m just telling you the truth here. 

This past week I have started a book that is called Beyond logic and consequences and no, I am not past chapter one.  I am paralyzed by the contents of this first chapter and I have set up a tent to camp on the revelations I have discovered.  It turns out that there are two base emotions in the human spirit.  Love and fear.  I know, I know. It didn’t seem possible to me either.  But I can’t seem to prove this wrong.  I was also granted a very clear analogy of this life scenario when I became privy to the information that anger is the body guard of our heart. So logically I can conclude that when I see boy wonder perched up on the book shelves of his classroom, I need to consider that his body guard needs a spanking.  No, I am kidding.  His body guard really needs to be reassured that the threat is not as big as the fight he is choosing to engage in.  So when my 8 year old cannot make the number 9 he is frustrated and he does not want to be seen as stupid and he KNOWS he can make a 9 so why is his brain failing him, and he becomes afraid of ridicule and natural consequences of a difficult situation.  Ultimately he is afraid. So if I complicate things by telling him all sorts of threatening things that will happen if he does not get down, I am complicating his fears.  And here I am a human being who does NOT want to be seen as a failing parent and a human being who loves him TOO MUCH to leave him on the ledge. I am afraid of not being enough, not being worthy to be the vessel that God uses to rescue him.  Suddenly I am feeling the burn of being afraid that I am an epic fail and its my fault he cannot make a 9 or get off the bookshelf.  Here is my life.  But this is not the life we are intended. 

I have thought through the whole scene and I picture Jesus and how he gets to be involved as the example of how to do it right.  Jesus was tempted by the enemy when he was at his almost lowest point on earth.  Out of all the weapons he fought back by using scripture.  Really? I always think a superhero zap could have saved us all some grief but that is why I don’t get to be the savior–I just want an easy button.  So after giving this some hard thought I go get a 3 x 5 card and I search the bible for the verse I need for the two of us right  now.  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you”. It took less than two days for both of us to memorize it.  It is our first battle cry.  My son is not alone because God will never leave him, or me for that matter.   That part about “terrified because of them” does not matter who “them” is. That them can be so many things. It is something that will change often enough that we just know there is a them and an us. The intensity comes by realizing we have to figure out what we think about who God is now.  We must be careful to never see God as too small to be God or too big to care about us.  This is our life lesson on anger and its real purpose.  

My mom has shared a story about the two wolves who live in our heart…one is evil and hellish in nature, the other is good and lovely.  They fight for control all the time.  One will win.  It will be the wolf we feed and pay the most attention to.  This is the part about dying to self that I finally get.  Jesus gave it all so I could have this hope that I KNOW the good wolf wins. And in some crazy happy ending, the wolf will probably turn into a prince or princess of the most amazing new kingdom. I just know that by using the Word to fight my battles and applying these God-promises to my world that God is usually at the helm of, it will all be ok in the end.  And daily battles can be won.